Diaries of a Motorcycle Bride

Losing my husband March 9, 2010

Yesterday I lost my tantrum at Vincent.

We were just going through the routine of our usual day off i.e. sleeping in, then mooching around the house doing what-not.

Something Vince said must have set me off- it was to do with him having to do work on his one day off.

The thing is, both of us normally have different expectations of Mondays. I look forward to doing things together with him, catching up on the shopping I can’t normally do without his help. Vince on the other hand, is typically laid-back and relaxed; he is fine with doing just about anything (even going back to church and meeting up his buddies there!!).

That day, Vince was however tired.

Tired from all the running around he’s been doing the whole of last week.

Tired from running the 4 cell groups that meet weekly (he singlehandedly picks up the cell members from home/ church to the cell location and then back again, as well as leading worship and discipling).

Tired from the additional kid’s cell group that he helped out till past dinnertime on Thursday.

Tired from having to meet me at various locations after work.

That day I felt like I was fighting an invisible block that was in the way of my husband and I.

I was fighting to keep my right to enjoy him on our one day off together. In my pride however, I refused his offer to go out for the day and stalked off by myself to do my groceries.

Amazingly my 90 minutes of grocery shopping did much to restore my sanity. I felt much calmer after achieving that and was able to come home without having to call Vince for help.

And so it is now I am able to put things into perspective. For this is what awaits us in the new season: a new season of challenges and laying down of rights.

A little incident comes to mind- before we left Singapore, my mission pastor had bought me a book for pastors’ wives. His drift was that because of the nature of the work of pastors, their wives need to be understanding and release their husbands from their demands.

I had brushed it off then, thinking it applied only to pastors and to Singaporeans ones at that.

Now it is with a tinge of regret, some sadness I look back. Not regretful because I had ignored the book.

Regretful that my husband does not belong to me, seeing only now that he is here first for the Lord and then for the Thai people he’s serving.

It’s great that everyone’s always raving about Vince, about what a great missionary he is. About how well he serves them, how well loved he is by them.

For now, I need to take one step at a time, learning to release him to his calling. This is only the beginning, the challenges can only get greater…