Now and then July 31, 2010
Posted by judegrrl in Reminiscing, The Word speaks, Thinking out loud.1 comment so far
A short conversation with the Fine Arts students yesterday brought me back 10 years down memory lane.
Then I was still a struggling, underpaid administrative assistant at Tomato Consultancy.
I remember the many different design projects that flowed in and out of the company, the huge A1 printer and the billiard table that took up the main office space, as well as the many animation collectibles that clogged up my bosses’ office.
I remembered thinking how I was such an insignificant cog in the whole machinery, and how its nucleus was really made up of the desktop/ graphic/web designers.
And I remembered looking at my paycheck while muttering to myself, 这么少钱。。。
Fast forward to the present: married, living and working in Khon Kaen, Thailand.
While my paycheck hasn’t exactly tripled itself, my job satisfaction has more than doubled and overflowed. I “pastor” a small group of teenagers with whom we chill, embark on projects and do life together. I have had numerous exposures to teaching stints both in the local university and with different groups of people. I am learning the language and the culture, learning to roll with the punches and that I really have a place here.
I may not have risen in prominence overnight, sitting on some board of chairmen but I do know that I am accountable to many “shareholders” both back in Singapore and in the heavenlies. In between, I have concerned friends and lovely partners who pray regularly for me so that I can get better at what I do.
I no longer live a life of lack. Although Vince and I are not in the top 10% income bracket of Singapore, we find instead that we have more than enough to subsist on (and even have enough to give away too!).
So what has really changed?
I thought over it this morning and came up with this answer: my paradigm.
We live in such a culture of excess these days. It is not considered enough to have your main bread and stay. There’s also the weekend entertainment, the year-end holiday, the regular shopping and dining expenditures and if there’s kids, there’s the expensive tuition and extra swimming classes.
If I operate under the demands of this culture, I will always find my budget stretched beyond my means and perpetually stuck in the vicious cycle of unmet needs. (This is why “godliness with contentment is great gain” 1 Tim 6:6.)
I’ve found that when I take God at His word literally and make Him my portion, I find that He is more than enough for me. He is enough for my emotional needs, my insurance, my daily needs and even my future expenditure. And having a very generous husband also helps with the weekly groceries too 
No need to hoard up my bonuses for the thrill of seeing the numbers add up, no more the need to traipse malls endless times for my retail therapy, no more the need to spend my money on what is not bread and my labor for what is not labour.
When you have a new paradigm, you realise that you have so much. So much that you are in trouble if you don’t do something with your riches and just use it up mindlessly for your own pleasure.
Already if you can speak, read and write English, you own the means to a livelihood that is being denied to many folks living in Asia and in 3rd World countries.
If you have a car in the household, own a house in your name, have access to clean and tapped water, have three daily meals, have access to healthcare facilities and more, you are already very very “rich” compared to the many others in this world who have to go without.
(And we are not even talking about computers, Starbucks coffee, household pets, DSLRs, gym memberships and other frills of this present day.)
My parting challenge is: live life well, use a little less, give a little more away.
God bless you guys.
Pictures that never make it to Facebook June 2, 2010
Posted by judegrrl in Days of our lives, Thinking out loud.Tags: children
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Browsing through friends’ pictures of their babies, I see only happy faces on joyous occasions. Some of these montages are touching. Like the simple shot of a mother with her daughter and grandchild. Or even one of a baby with a mountain of presents from his first bithday bash.
Looking at these babies, they make me want to have one. I too want to have a happy baby montage. Days filled with bliss doing baby activities, fulfilling the nurturing function that God’s given me. The pictures make me long to be a mother.
And then I think, these pictures don’t tell half the picture. Of nights spent sleepless taking care of sick infants and toddlers. Of trying moments when the parents’ patience are stretched to the point of breaking. Or even of future heartbreaks, disobedience and more.
And I think, I definitely at this moment can’t handle the idea of discipline or sick babies. So maybe babies are a little out of my league right now.
And I remember what the Prophet (Kahlil Gibran) himself said about offspring. This one poem was once featured in Straits Times and it’s forever stayed etched in my mind. It goes like this…
On Children
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
Mister Ajarn on Thai soil June 2, 2010
Posted by judegrrl in Thinking out loud.Tags: teaching English
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Let’s see how familliar you are with the stereotypes: can you name the typical groups of foreigners in Thailand?
If you’ve had three or more, clap yourself on the back.
For me, I’m still learning about the stereotypical foreigners. The more common ones here in Issan are the retired Westerner (with a much younger Thai wife in tow) and the missionary types. As well as the “English teacher” type.
Increasingly the world of teaching is becoming more intriguing for me. I’ve realised that there is a whole economy fueled by the import of foreign teachers and consumed by parents who demand nothing but the best of these foreign teachers for their children.
Let’s face it, teaching English is/ can be a lucrative business for whoever has the least inkling for it. As it is, English teachers are pretty much in demand in homogeneous countries like Japan, China, Korea etc. All you need is a Bachelors in Education (or a basic degree with TESOL cert) and doors will open up to you.
Of course if you have more experience e.g. a former teacher with the SG education system, you are guranteed a better paycheck with more prestigious international schools. If not, you’ll end up jostling with newly graduated foreigners for entry positions that pay a pittance (in contrast considered a fortune by local standards).
Now why have I never set sights upon this new world?? Just think of all the years I could have spent as an English teacher in Japan/ Korea or even trampling the great grasslands of Mongolia… Sigh…
When a newborn arrives April 5, 2010
Posted by judegrrl in Father Heart of God, Thinking out loud.add a comment
Of late, there’s been news of many friends popping new additions to the family. I can never help feeling very pleased on their behalf and going over in my head the preparations for the newborn.
Such as thinking of its name, choosing the right gynae & hospital, signing up for pre-natal classes, setting up the baby room, getting a confinement lady (for Chinese mothers) etc.
And of course, I myself too am preparing for the time when I too will have a baby. So I start now by setting aside a sum of money monthly, exercising regularly (not very good at that one yet!), asking for advice on the preferred hospitals to deliver in Khon Kaen etc.
Oh the joy that comes when a firstborn arrives in the family! He/ she is the joy and pride of the family and have the best of genes (the smarts, the looks). Hundreds and thousands of pictures and videos of the newborn will be taken & posted online. Endless fawning and cooing over the newborn until even the latter is bored of it.
Then a sombre thought entered my mind: when Jesus was born, he had none of the amenities that are now available to us.
When Jesus was born, it was not in a luxurious hospital or with experienced midwives or even nurses overseeing the delivery. Somewhere in an incognito stable in Bethlehem, with hay and animal poop, with only Joseph the carpenter assisting the birth, Jesus came into this earth.
When Jesus was born, he was not welcomed by enthusiastic family members- instead he was greeted by cows, sheep and other animals.
Try talking a Singaporean mother into giving birth in a stable & you will sure “kena” wan! What, how dare you suggest such a crazy/ senseless idea in the first place! Even if the Govt’s Baby Bonus is not enough, also no need to go so far mah..!
If even a Singaporean mother wouldn’t entertain the idea of giving birth in anywhere less than KK, how much more should the King of Kings.
Yet my Lord was born in the lowliest of places. And the thought of that just humbles me.
Requesting for prayers March 16, 2010
Posted by judegrrl in Days of our lives, Girlfriends, Thinking out loud.Tags: Thai conversation
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Hi I would like to ask for your prayers when you read this post.
This regards my involvement with the local church. Every Sunday afternoon, I wrestle within myself as to which group I should join: the youth or the women’s group? Which is literally, “the lesser of the two evils”?
Of course, there’s no evil involved at all. And some of you may not understand my hesitation. Or you may even ask what’s so hard about it.
It’s this: each time I join the cell groups, I have to either speak, share or give thanks in Thai (*gasp*)
I know, it’s more than a year since arriving in Khon Kaen. My conversation skills are still not up to the standard of chit-chatting with adults, not to even mention conversing in the peculiar lingo of Thai Christians.
At times I just sit and wonder why do I have to go through it. If I just sit dumbly and smile sweetly, can I pass my turn?
At any rate I’ve been inventing a steady string of excuses and escaping at the weakest reason- just so that I don’t have to congregate with the ladies. I feel like slowly more and more, I’m disengaging & disassociating myself from church life.
Do I not love them? Do I not miss them? Do I not have anything at all to offer them? If a missionary doesn’t involve oneself with the local church, then why even come? Compared to my husband my public ratings dip way below acceptable standards.
These are the issues I struggle with… If you are reading this, please pray for me ok?
Israel versus Shangri-La March 13, 2010
Posted by judegrrl in Father Heart of God, Mission, Thinking out loud.Tags: 2010, visit Israel
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Today we had a little “discussion” over where we should be going for holidays. To be more precise, Vincent was voting for Shangri-La as the “must-go” destination while I was voicing out my numerous concerns for NOT going.
In the end it just ended up being a monologue on improving our communication blah blah blah…
Later in the day, I was thinking over my reason for not wanting to go Shangri-La (previously known as Zhongdian, China). I made a trip up there when I was about 19, loved the place absolutely for its mishmash of tribal groups, its scenery, rough roads etc. Since then I’ve re-located it to a place in the back of my mind and to the lower ranks of travel destinations.
I dug deeper into my dream vault and I uncovered my longing to go Israel.
Especially more so since this is the Year of the Perfection of the Divine Order. For us, for the people of Israel, and for our work field.
The Bible says that whoever blesses Israel, God will bless back in return. I definitely want to reap that kind of blessings.
In Feb, Ps George Annadorai had invited us missionaries to join him in his Oct 10th project to bless the survivors of the Holecaust in Israel. I remember clearly him saying that we will see the things that our hands touch thereafter reaping productivity up to 10x as much.
In my heart of hearts, I want, covet and desire that for the nation of Thailand.
That somehow in our elusive task as “envoys” on behalf of Thailand, God will in His benevolence notice and remember us & the untold faceless, nameless people who have toiled in the soils of Thailand. That in these last days, He will pour out His blessings and caused His name to be permanently wedged in the public and social consciousness of the Thai people.
Digressing slightly, I ask myself, what is the span of a person’s life? Maybe 80 if you’re healthy/ blessed. Or perhaps 40, even 60.
It is my hope that my life together with my husband’s, will have a lasting legacy not just for our children but the others to come, even the newer generations of other nations. That they will know that the Lord is good, that He is the reason why we toil so. Amen and amen.
O Lord, let us go to Israel this year!!! Hahaha, so it’s boiled down to this one request. I feel like I’m slightly “manipulating” God, twisting His emotional arm to get what I want.
And look what I found when I was having my devotion this morning?
An old bookmark from Israel a friend had given me. Very rustic feel to it…
Learning Pasa Thai March 9, 2010
Posted by judegrrl in Days of our lives, Mission, Thinking out loud.Tags: learning Thai
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It’s been a year since I arrived in Khon Kaen and last Friday I was able to have my 1st language check
The result? I almost flunked it.
What was supposed to be a relatively straighforward check at the novice level became a full 2 hour lesson of straightening and strengthening my limpid language grasp.
These were the areas I did poorly in:
- Greeting people politely when I see them (Apparently it’s not enough to just sawatdii, I need to enquire about the health and well-being of the family members as well!)
- Thanking people for doing something for me (Once again, it’s not enough just saying khop khun but ABSOLUTELY essential to have the correct syntax & to name the actual service/ object rendered)
- Saying goodbye politely (My favorite: this involves coming up with various excuses to go home early!)
- Naming 10 or more items in each category (animals, furniture, plants, tools, machines, food items)
Naturally, my good-natured and kind teacher did not reprimand me; nor did she ask herself how could a student of her be so inept. Auy’s really my God-sent, I can see that now.
It’s my wish that this year round my conversation, reading and writing skills will be guided along a more stringent pathway to success. I don’t want to keep getting stuck at conversation after sprouting 2 or 3 generic lines, and having to be content at playing deaf & mute for another twelve months.
Please pray for yours kindly when you read this. Pray that I WILL be endowed with success and diligence and the drive to succeed in becoming a better Thai speaker…ขอบคุฌที่ได้อธิษฐานเพื่อฉันนะ
The delicacy of the Thai language March 3, 2010
Posted by judegrrl in Thinking out loud, What the?.Tags: foot in the mouth disease
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I like it that in the Thai language there are 101 ways to defuse potentially tricky situations. Or just plain nosy situations.
For example, the well-used question that the Thai likes to fire at you: where are you going?
It’s a common question, almost the equivalent of “How’s the weather?”
Most of the time a generic answer like, “Just going outside” or “Running errands” more than suffice.
My favourite is deflecting invitations to activities (what a sociable person I can be).
It can be any answer ranging from “it’s not convenient right now”, “I have an appointment already” to “I’m busy” to my perennial fave “I have errands”.
Two days ago, I found out for myself just how different the English language is from Thai. As it is, English speakers are used to straight talk and cut no slack in letting the other party know the truth.
Anyway I was invited to a dinner that I had no inclination towards. Had I been able to answer in my stammering Thai, I would have used one of the above responses and thus spare my friend some “face”.
Not wishing to lie and invoke wrath upon myself, I resorted to the only answer in my mind. Straight away, I rattled out my answer, “I’m sorry I can’t come for dinner at _____. My friend once ate there and had to be hospitalised for food poinsoning. The food at ___ is not safe. We’ll have to give it a pass tonight.”
Imagine the silence that greeted me upon my reply. My friend, a Thai who spent many years in Spore, tried to salvage the situation by asking after my friend. Should I have told her that it was actually a friend of a friend, that the situation happened a few years ago and that I myself actually ate at ___ not so long ago?
In the end, I decided to let sleeping dogs lie.
I don’t think I’ll be asked for dinner for a long time from now.
10 Frequently Asked Questions (& my answers to them) November 14, 2009
Posted by judegrrl in Culture shock, Culture Vulture, Days of our lives, General, Thinking out loud.Tags: FAQ
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- How many children do you have?
- Are you pregnant yet?
- Why do you not have kids?
- How old are you?
- Who liked whom first, Vincent or Judy?
- What is your occupation?
- How long have you been in Thailand?
- How long will you be staying in Thailand?
- How much do you pay for your Thai lessons?
- How much did you pay for your mobile?
And my answers are:
1. None.
2. Not yet.
3. Not ready yet. We are giving ourselves 2 years before we start trying for one.
4. 30 (but I look 22!).
5. Depends on who you asked. According to me, Vincent but according to him, it was me.
6. Housewife. I normally stay indoors. Or in the exact Thai equivalent, I “merely exist in the house” (อยู่บ้านเฉยๆ).
7. Been here since February, approximately 9 months.
8. Depending on the situation/ God. Our work permit only allows us to stay for a year.
9. I pay 200 baht per hour and my teacher Auy is a teacher at AUA currently pursuing her Masters in Education.
10. Approximately 10,000 baht.
Sssshhh, can you keep a secret? October 19, 2009
Posted by judegrrl in Culture shock, Days of our lives, Mission, Thinking out loud.Tags: Khon Kaen, missionary, stress, struggles
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I’m writing this in the hope that none of my Thai friends will ever stumble upon this. Weeks and months of living in Khon Kaen has led me to this conclusion: I get highly stressed when I live side by side with Thai people.
Perplexing right? After all, Thai people are among the friendliest people you’ll ever meet (so much that they put me to shame half the time).
At any rate, I had a revelation in the evening on my way back from Roi Et. Enroute, I found myself getting increasingly irritated by the Thai worship music blaring in the van & requested for a different choice of music. The moment a different album was put on (Cantonese worship music), an instant change of mood came over me.
To me, this sudden transformation is akin to receiving fluids in my body after having endured hours of thirst and dehydration. I felt re-energised, revived and just better for no apparent reason.
And then it hit me: it has something to do with my love language (words). In the past 18 hours I’ve lived and walked with people from the church; I’ve travelled in the same vehicle with them up to Roi Et, pitched a tent and spent the night. I’ve eaten, worked alongside with them, heard nothing but Thai (save for the occasional word in Singlish/ Mandarin with my husband, plus an extended 30-min phone conversation with Tammy).
This proves that I’m pretty much still in denial. No matter how well my husband speaks Thai, how many compliments I receive daily or how much I try to convince myself otherwise, this does not alter the fact that I have yet to come out from this rigorous & highly challenging phase of cultural re-alignment.
